This morning, the doctor told me I was colorblind.
It came completely out of the orange.
A man really hated his wife’s cat. One day, unbeknownst to his wife, he put the cat in his car and took it to the end of the block and let it go. When he got home he saw that the cat had beat him home.
Undeterred, he put the cat in the car and took it a few miles across the city and tossed it out the car again. Upon returning home, he was astonished to see that the cat had beat him home again.
Determined at this point, the man took the cat and drove him across the city, over the river, through the woods, and clear across three counties before putting the cat outside and driving off.
Several hours later the man’s wife was at home when the phone rang. She picked up and it was her husband.
“Is the cat there?” He asked.
“Yes…” she replied.
“Well put him on the phone, I’m lost”
I gave away all my dead batteries today.
Free of charge.
My doctor recommended to eat at Burger King more often
Well he said I should not have McDonalds anymore, but I know what he meant.
My friend, who’s star sign was cancer, died very ironically.
He was mauled by a giant crab.
I burned my Hawaiian pizza today
Should’ve cooked it on aloha temperature
The punch line comes before the question.
What’s the worst part about time traveling jokes?
What kind of shoes do kidnappers wear?
What do you call the grasshopper police?